


you'll survive the waves

by thenightwing



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lena Luthor-centric, a study of loss and grief, but i don't trust those people anyway, for now i guess, should have been included in the show imo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenightwing/pseuds/thenightwing
Summary: "What is it like, to be an acquaintance of loss?"
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. Prologue

For as long as she can remember, Lena has always had trouble dealing with grief. Her therapist argues it is partly because of her upbringing as a Luthor and the way they treated her as the adopted girl (who turns out to be half Luthor after all).

It has been a while since she went back, L-Corp upcoming projects taking the most of her time. Kara’s been nagging her for days about it, in between of bringing her food in the middle of the night and giving her back massages and forehead kisses as means of encouragement.

Lena doesn’t have the heart to tell her that Kara herself is a distraction and the little things she does for Lena occupies her mind more often than the contracts she needs to look over.

In a rare moment of tranquility, L-Corp finds itself quiet for the first time in months, its highest office dims in slight darkness. The big bad boss sits in her chair, a smile not often seen by her employees on the corner of her lips as fingers glide across her phone screen, replying to the latest text from National City’s hero. Or Lena’s hero, depends on who you ask.

_Please go back to therapy tomorrow. I’ll even let you take us to that horrendous place on 3 rd avenue again!_

Lena chuckles, slim fingers tapping gently on the armrest. She debates over the pros and cons of going back, fearing the onslaught of emotional probing and yet knowing full well she’ll never be the better person she wishes to be if she chooses not to go.

Sighing, she types out an affirmative, laughing at Kara’s explosive reaction of happiness. It’s probably not good that she’s only going to therapy for her best friend, but as a Fortune 500 CEO who has survived throughout not one but many otherworldly incidents like alien invasions and kidnaps from her own family members, Lena fully embraces the strange lifestyle she currently has.

It’s hard to do what she says when she’s sitting in the book-scented office of her therapist, hands already shaking at the first question he asks of her.

“What is it like to be a familiar acquaintance of loss?”


	2. Anna Kieran

Her mother’s name was Anna, and she died when Lena was 4.

It was an accident, she says.

Little Lena and her mother were living in a suburban cottage in a rather secluded, countryside-like part of Metropolis. She can vaguely remember the field of green in which she and her mother played. As a child, some of her best memories happened in that field.

If you go further into the forest adjacent to that field, you will eventually stumble upon the great, clear blue lake that was Anna’s final demise.

Lena navigates the roads they always took to her therapist, the image so vivid as if she just visited there yesterday. It’s a detail Lucas notices, but knows full well the CEO hasn’t been back there ever since.

In his report of findings, he writes about how factual Lena is as a person, and that shows in the way she talks about how the tree was green like the shade of his lamp, or how the forest smelt similar to the candles he has on his shelf. If he was a talented artist, he would have been able to recreate the scene right then and there due to the amount of details Lena puts in her story.

Anna was a single mother, and he can tell despite the lack of saying so from Lena, the woman had tried really hard to give her child the best life she could. Their weekend trip to the forest, be it to play in the field or at the lake, is one of the rare constants Lena can remember from her childhood.

It was supposed to be a normal day. Just a weekend where Lena would splash water in her mother’s face and Anna would mockingly squeal in anger. She would threaten to throw Lena into the water as a punishment, and the little emerald-eyed angel would simply giggle and let her mother pull them both in.

In a way, that weekend was similar to every other occasion.

Until it’s not.

After being in the water for a while, Lena grew bored and crawled back up shore. Her mother called out from afar, telling her to find a warm blanket and made sure she knows she would not make her favorite for dinner if she found Lena sneezing.

Learning from her previous experience where Anna did the same thing when Lena snuck out of the house and ran into the pouring rain out of curiosity only to come back sneezing and shivering violently, she quickly grabbed a blanket from her mother’s backpack.

The older Lena clarifies, this isn’t the abnormal part. Anna was a swimmer back in her day, and she loved the refreshing feeling of having your entire body engulfed by the cool ocean waves. Anna described it as “the only experience that’s truly about infusing yourself as one with nature”.

The little girl watched quietly, in awe as her mother did graceful backstrokes and butterfly strokes across the clear, blue lake. It was getting rather cloudy, she noted. Anna waved off her concern, saying she’s got this.

In the course of the next few minutes, from the small makeshift roof of leaf and tree branches that existed for as long as she could remember, Lena watched as her mother swam, got violently pulled down into the stream of water, and never came back.

Lena leaves Lucas’s office with a heart heavier than stone.

She doesn’t talk about it. Even when Kara asks, she would shrug and tell her “Maybe later, alright darling?”

And just like that, life goes on for the CEO of L-Corp.

It’s on a night of Kara traveling off-Earth to visit her family in Argo that Lena’s mind takes her back in time.

She didn’t do it on purpose, no.

She’s sitting in front of the TV, smiling as she watches the exciting announcement of National City Pride happening soon. Lena thinks back to her schedule, wondering if maybe she can offer something special to the parade to show her and L-Corp’s support for the LGBTQ+ community.

The current announcer switches off to the head of National City’s PFLAG Association, and Lena’s mind leaps.

The familiar accent of someone from Dublin, Ireland echoes through her stereo.

It’s a thought. Just a thought. But it wrecks Lena’s heart into pieces.

_I’m never going to hear her voice ever again._

And just like that, Lena grieves for the first time ever.

The tidal waves of pain surge through her body, eyes pooling in wetness as her hands clutch the remote so tight it might burst. Her heart aches as if someone’s squeezing it in their hand, electrifying and terrifying in the way it spreads down even to the tip of her toes. Her mouth opens in a soundless scream, lung coiled so tightly that even her gasps don’t make any sound.

The Irish twang in the woman’s voice vibrates through Lena’s body, reminding her of angelic singing and gentle, warm exchanges of love. It breaks her more when her mind brings her back to days in the cottage, forcing her to face the facts that she will never see her mother’s face, never hear the sound of her voice, and never feel the warmth of her hugs ever again.

She’ll never be here to cheer her on for when Lena decides to take the plunge and ask Kara out on a date. She’ll never be at her and Kara’s wedding, the other side of the isle full of people who love Kara (both from Argo and Earth). She’ll never be here to give Lena tips on how to raise her children right, nor to teach her the Irish lullabies she’ll sing to her children on stormy nights.

The delayed grief consumes her for so long she can’t remember what it was like to bury this feeling inside a box.

She can’t stop the quivering of her lips as she types out an email to PFLAG and LGBTQ+ organizations everywhere.

She can’t stop the watering of her eyes when she hears a singing voice so similar to her mother’s on the radio in her cab.

She can’t stop her lung from letting out a strangled cry when she attends Pride with Kara and spots older women wearing “mom hugs” t-shirts.

She can’t stop herself from bawling altogether in the warm embrace of Eliza Danvers when Kara takes her to Midvale for Christmas, craving desperately for the warmth of a mother’s hug but ungratefully feeling like it’s not enough because this isn’t _her_ mother, and it _never_ will be.

At the sight of Lena in ruin, Eliza swears to herself she would become the mother that should have been.

During their time in Midvale, she constantly reaches out for Lena in all sorts of capacity. Eliza engages her in conversations about science and biology, grateful for the common interest that helps her ease the ache inside Lena’s heart.

She teaches her the Danvers secret recipes that even Kara and Alex don’t know, leading to the both of them complaining but altogether appreciative of the warm treatment she gives Lena.

She gives Lena kisses, both on her forehead and her cheeks as often as she can. The adorable blush makes it all worth it, and Eliza’s heart blooms triple the size it was before.

She’s never felt the paternal pride and love more than when her children leave for National City and Lena decides to engulf her in a strong hug. She doesn’t mistake the silent tears running down her spine for anything else, struggling to reign in those of her own as Lena nods to her request.

“I know I can’t replace the mom you’ve lost. But I will try my best to be the mom you need right now.”

Lena calls her mom for the first time during her and Kara’s housewarming party. With Lena’s eyes shining about as bright as her engagement ring, Eliza prays that wherever she is, she hopes Anna is looking down at her little girl and knows how much she’s grown up, knows that this woman right here is one of the most wonderful people Eliza’s ever had the pleasure to meet.

Eliza swears once more, this time to a woman she would have loved to know, that she’ll protect and love Lena like she deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I would love to know what you think, so if you can, please leave a comment or maybe even a kudo if you're up for it. I can't promise I will update often as this is almost like a therapy fic for me, so yeah. 
> 
> You can contact me via Twitter @silverbatsss if you'd like.


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